Friday, September 2, 2011

Working Girl



WOW, dear keyboard, it has been a while hasn't it? :-p I haven't sat down at the computer at home for more than a few minutes and only to do something absolutely necessary in more than a month - I finally truly understand the concept of not wanting to do anything at home that resembles what you do at work. That's right, I am FINALLY a full-fledged working woman! lol About two months ago I got hired at a temporary agency to work for an insurance company in Spokane. It worked out perfectly, because my training ended the same day my parents brought the girls home from California - training started at 7:30 and now I don't start work until 8:30, so that gives me time to get Faith ready for school and drop London off at her babysitter's house.

I've never been a fan of putting my children in daycare and still wish I didn't have to, but she goes and plays at the home of a family from church that's only about a mile from my work, so I'm much more comfortable with that than with traditional daycare. Of course I wish I could spend more time with my kids - Faith comes home with Braden after school and I don't get home for another 2 1/2- 3 hours, but at least Vernon gets home right around the time they do, and it makes me feel good to be contributing to the family - not to mention the perks of professional success and the completely different world of being around adults all day.

I've made some great friends thanks to work, which was an unexpected bonus. I went into this thinking that it didn't matter if I liked it or if I made friends, I was there to do a job and help support my family - and I ended up LOVING the work that I do and being happy to spend my day with the people that I do. My workspace has four desks - mine, an empty one, and the other two are occupied by two of my favorite people from my training class, and we have become true friends that genuinely care about each other and not just acquaintance-level friendly co-workers. I can literally talk to them about ANYTHING, and we often spend the first ten or fifteen minutes before starting work talking about what's going on in our home lives. One of my co-workers and best buddies is a few years younger than I am, and the other is 6 or 7 years older than my husband, so she often has advice and wise words for us youngins. lol

What I actually do - besides talk with my friends (lol) - involves working on the computer all day, occasionally making phone calls, and using several different programs to set up information for the sales people to give companies quotes for whatever kind of insurance they're requesting. It's actually really interesting, fun, and fast-paced. It's also kind of high stress because we're constantly under deadlines, but it's the kind of stress we can leave at work, so I don't mind that part of it too much. Not only do I love my job and have great friends there, we also have a cafeteria with seriously AMAZING food. AND, as if that weren't enough, I earn way more than I ever expected to be earning at an entry-level job after being out of work for almost 7 years. Ironically I work on a lot of quotes for the East Coast - or maybe not so ironically, since our sister office is in Bethlehem, PA.

So let's see....in the time since I last posted an entry besides getting an awesome new job, I got my girls back (yay!) and got to spend a couple of days with my parents - they drove the girls back up here and stayed from a Wednesday to a Sunday, so that was really nice. One of the downsides of living here is missing all of my family and friends back in CA, but it's so great to finally be out in the world every day, making new friends and working. One bad thing that happened in the last month is that my clumsiness really got the best of me - I fell and sprained my ankle so bad I nearly fractured it. I had to hobble around on crutches for a week or so, then got a giant boot to wear - I just saw the doctor this morning and FINALLY got permission to keep the boot off and only use the splint for another week or so, by which time hopefully it will finally be healed. The only downside of that is that I got to park in the visitor parking (right next to the handicap parking) at work, and I won't be able to do that anymore. lol

Another bad thing that I'm really sad about is that we have to get rid of our dog. =( It's really upsetting because I love her so much and she was my constant companion when I wasn't working and my girls were gone, but now that I'm working it's not fair to keep her in a kennel all the time, and I don't have the time to devote to her and housetraining her.....as logical as it is to find a home more advantageous for her, it's still really sad to me.

Tonight is one of the very rare nights where it's just me, Faith, and London here at home - it's Friday night in September, which means highschool football! My stepson plays in the band, one of my stepdaughters is a cheerleader, and my husband volunteers to do the lines at the games, so they're all gone right now. It's nice to get some time with my girls - and will also be nice to finally have some time with my husband! I feel like we barely get to see each other with both of us working.

Speaking of time with my favorite people, I'm going to take advantage of the time I have left with the girls, and Vernon will be home soon. =) I'm so happy it's Friday! And even happier that Vernon and I both have Monday off. I hope you enjoy your weekend too!

Friday, July 15, 2011

Blah, blah, blah.....

As usual, it's been forever since I've posted anything, and for once a million different things have happened since the last time I wrote. For one thing, the job I was essentially "auditioning" for didn't work out - I've since discovered that it appears they continue to interview, test, and NOT hire groups of 50+ (my guess is maybe they're trying to get creative ads like the ones they had us come up with without having to pay the people that come up with them)since it came down to two of us and they didn't hire either, and over the last three or four weeks, or however long it's been, they have continued to post ads on the job website I check every day on a regular basis. Even though I was disappointed to not get that job, I discovered after the fact that it didn't pay quite as much as we were hoping for, and it's quite a drive, so it turned out to be a blessing in disguise - especially when I got a call to interview for a different job that's in downtown Spokane and pays MORE than we were hoping for. After testing my computer skills and going through the interview, they offered me the job on the spot for an intake analyst at an insurance company. The training for that starts on the 27th (day before my birthday!) so I have a couple of weeks to continue sitting around with my thoughts.

It's been pretty quiet around here for the last few weeks already, since Faith and London are in California with their bio-dad. On June 18th, I believe it was, V and I drove down to Klamath Falls and met Spencer to give him the girls for most of the summer - they'll be back right around Faith's birthday, August 12th. I can't even explain how strange and unsettling it is for them to be gone. I don't sleep well, and I constantly feel like I'm forgetting something. Sure, sleeping in is nice, and it's given me the opportunity to job hunt and go on interviews without having to worry about securing a babysitter, but the perks are few and far between compared to how unnatural and unsettling being without my children is.

V and I did take a little trip last weekend, something that is considerably more difficult with two small children, to Silver Mountain in Idaho. It's an indoor water park, which was a lot of fun. =)This weekend we're probably going to take the boat out, and next weekend we're finally going to get the bunk beds built in Faith and London's room and a bookshelf built in ours (something I've always dreamed of - bookshelves built right into the wall. =))

Despite the fact that a lot has happened since the last time I wrote - my girls going to California, getting hired at exactly the kind of job I've been hoping for and with even better pay - I don't feel like there's much to write about and this has quickly turned into exactly the kind of boring, one-dimensional entry I DIDN'T want to write, so I think I'll save the rest of my thoughts for when I can get them out in an entertaining way. ;-)

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work I go......

I haven't gotten the offical word yet, but when I went in for my second interview with the company I was talking about in my last post, it turned out that out of all the candidates that had applied and interviewed for the position (at least 30 or 40, probably more) it was down to five of us who had done really well on the tests the previous day. There was one person from my group, and the other three people were women I didn't recognize. We went in a conference room first and went over some of the job duties and perks - and boy, does this job have awesome perks! Aside from the basics of things like an IRA, medical coverage after six months, and paid time off, they also offer a paid gym membership (which you HAVE to use twice a week for it to be paid for, so sweet!) AND an annual all expenses paid company vacation - the last one was in Vegas. =) After that, we went back to the computers for more tests. For the first one we were given a document that had pictures and descriptions of the products that this company uses and we had to make a flyer from scratch advertising whatever products we wanted in whatever way we wanted. When we were done, the person in charge of the "orientation", as they called it, went around grading each of us and taking notes in our files. Next she had us write a description of our last job as if we were writing a Craigslist posting. I decided to go out on a limb and show off my personality by writing a funny ad about being a stay-at-home mom. I was the last one to be "graded" on this, and was thrilled that after the woman in charge had gone around straight-faced to everyone else's computer, taking notes and making generic comments, she laughed out loud and mine and said it was hilarious and she loved it! =) She even had one of the other women in the office read it AND bragged about it to the owner that we met during our exit interviews. After that we were given a short stack of papers with information about their company and had about five minutes to go over them, and then she asked us questions about it and said that our group caught onto the information better than any other interview group ever had. We were also the first group to have every single person heed literally the ONLY instruction for the flyer - don't put the prices in the ad. (How difficult is that?? People just don't take the time to read directions.) We sat around for a little while after that and chatted while we waited for the owner to come and do our exit interviews. When I went in for mine, she had already told him that I was funny, which is awesome. Definitely helps when half your face doesn't work and you can make fun of yourself. lol Again, I got a call on the way home from the interview and said that they had narrowed it down to me and one other girl - after all those people! Feels pretty good. =) Before they make their decision, we're each doing a full day of work, paid of course (yay! lol). I was supposed to go in and do mine today, but I got a call yesterday that the manager I'll be working with is really sick, so I'm going in from 9-5 on Thursday. I can't wait! I don't relish the idea of being away from London and not home when Faith gets home, but London loves daycare and Faith is just fine with her older brother and sisters when I'm not here, so I'm not worried about them, which is great and will leave me totally free to focus on work and keep showing them why they want to hire me. =) Of course I REALLY hope they choose me (and they may choose both of us, because it turns out they might have two immediate openings) but it is such a great feeling to have gone through two days and countless tests and to know that I aced the tests AND they loved my personality. It's been awhile since I've had the opportunity to feel any sense of professional accomplishment, and while I'm still not quite there, I've been hired for the one job that still doesn't start for a few weeks AND am being considered for this other one, so together they would just be perfect. Wish me luck! Or better yet, pray! =) Hopefully this means, as I said the other day, that we are on the upswing of this streak of bad luck. Although it will still be a while before my face returns to normal. Ugh. Again, a good sense of humor is a real bonus for this kind of situation. lol I need to get some things done around the house after spending most of the day thus far continuing the job hunt (can't stop until it's official!) but I'll leave you (in separate posts, since apparently Blogger is having a terrible time uploading all of them at the same time) with this adorable video of Clancy barking at a mouse trap and a few cute pics - a couple were taken at Faith's kindergarten celebration yet - I swear those things are designed to make you cry and mourn over how quickly your kids grow up. One is far away, but it's of Faith hugging her teacher, who is so awesome. The one of me I uploaded to Facebook the other day with the caption "New shades, new clothes, new jewelry.....now if only my face was capable of producing any other expression....." and the other ones are just cute and random. =) Hope you like!

Friday, June 3, 2011

The Rule of Three

They say bad things come in threes, and the last month or so has been no exception for me. It started just days after we got back from California - first there was the flu. I think Faith got it first and we thought it might just be something she ate or something like that when she was over it in about six hours and no one else caught it - until the next day, when I was holding London and she threw up ALL OVER ME. I was next, then Shae, and Vernon wasn't feeling well either for a few days, but he never throws up. We had a reprieve for a little while until the quad accident, which I still have marks on my hand and elbow from, and my wrist isn't completely healed, either. Then, the third, latest, and I would say worst thing - the Bells Palsy - happened this last Monday.

Thankfully, I think we're on the upswing of this string of bad luck, because I went in for an interview - or what I was told would be an interview, but turned out to be a series of tests - yesterday for a full-time administrative job, which is exactly what I'm looking for. There were four tests - the first was a typing test, which is one of my strengths. Then we had three handwritten tests - the first was data comparison, then math, and finally abstract reasoning. Apparently I did well, because they called me before I had even gotten home and asked me to come back today for a second interview! It may mean giving up the awesome summer concert job because of training conflicts, but even though that job would be so much fun, it's more important for me to get something full-time right now. So wish me luck, because I'm going to do that at 1:45 today. I'm not sure if it's just an interview or if I'm also going to be doing some observation of the job duties, because they mentioned yesterday that if we got a call back after our tests, we would be asked to come in and do observation for a few hours, so I guess I'll just see when I get there.

Speaking of jobs, I was looking around my Hotmail yesterday and realized that over the last month, I've put about a hundred applications in anywhere and everywhere I could find to apply that would be worth the drive (living as far away from town as we do, it wouldn't be worth it to take a part-time job in Spokane that only pays minimum wage, for instance). In the folder where I keep application confirmations and responses, I had 83 emails over the last month - and that doesn't include applications that I haven't gotten a confirmation for or jobs that I've mailed out applications for - and there are a few of those that I've mailed recently that I'd LOVE to get.

Other than those recent developments, it's been awhile since I've done my "3 things". I'm such an analytical person it's always good for me to enumerate the things I've been blessed with and take a look at what I need to work on. So without further adieu, the three things I'm grateful for today:

1. Settling into a rhythm here. We've been living here for a little over five months now, and though I've been in the habit of doing all the daily cleaning up for pretty much the whole time I've been here, now that I'm searching so diligently for a job I've really gotten into a schedule. Some of my time on the computer in the morning is spent checking Facebook and, lately, blogging, but for the most part I get on the computer after the older kids leave for school and look in all the places I can for what jobs are available. The state unemployment website is a great resource, so I always check that one first and apply for as many of those jobs as I can - the second interview I'm going on today is one that I applied for through it. Of course there are interruptions with taking care of London and now the puppy as well, but I am on the computer looking at every possible job opening until I've exhausted them all for the day, and then it's onto cleaning and usually lunch for London and I by the time I'm done, then a nap for her and a shower for me with very little downtime until about 3:00. I always try and watch The Talk at 1:00 and Dr. Phil at 3:00, but usually when I'm watching The Talk I'm folding clothes or doing something otherwise productive. I used to sit around and watch a lot of tv, and I just don't do that anymore. I have a couple of shows at night that I like to catch when I can, like So You Think You Can Dance, but even that rarely happens. It feels so much better to be active on a regular basis and spend most of my time doing productive things.

2. The second job interview I'm going on today! I'm so grateful that there are employers who are willing to look past the fact that I've been a stay-at-home mom for almost six years now and look at what I'm capable of doing instead. This data entry position would be the perfect opportunity for me to get back into the workforce and do something I'm good at.

3. The fact that London is actually excited about going to daycare. I got so lucky there! I never wanted to put my kids in daycare because I feel that I chose to have them, so it's up to me to raise them - but with a total of five kids now, things have to change. And now, even more unfortunately, Washington has pushed back the age that children can enter kindergarten, so instead of going to preschool this August, London won't even be able to start preschool until NEXT August so that means more time in daycare, but she is super excited about it. When I told her yesterday that we were meeting Vernon so she could go with him while I went to my interview she asked me, "Mom, when do I get to go to daycare?" and when I told her that she would be going to daycare today her response was, "Woo hoo! YES!" lol I got really lucky there! On that note, I'm really glad that I was able to find a daycare so quickly that I'm completely comfortable with, because I didn't think it would be that easy given my strong reluctance to put her in daycare at all.

And the three things I need to work on:

1. I keep saying that I want to get back into writing and I'll do it for a little while and then either get writer's block, get busy with other things, or both, but that is always something I really want to do. I think I'm just going to have to block out half an hour or an hour each day or something like that and set it aside specifically to work on the ideas I've come up with over the last month. I think that's a good idea, because otherwise it doesn't get done nearly as often as I'd like.

2. I hate to ask for patience, because you know what happens when you pray for patience - and I think I've had enough tribulations, thankyouverymuch - but that's probably exactly what I need for the often complicated process of blending two families. I'm reading this amazing book called "Stepmonster" by Wednesday Martin, which has to be the best, most honest look at being a stepmother/remarrying with kids that I've ever seen. I have been familiar with stepfamilies since I was 8 and my dad remarried, then even more so when my mom started dating Bob when I was 14 and eventually married him, but experiencing it for yourself and seeing things from the other side is a different breed of cat altogether, and I know my faults and that there are always things you can improve on to make a situation that can sometimes be difficult a little easier. Patience is probably the best place to start.

3. I've been thinking about doing something like couponing to save money since I have a few friends that do it and the amount of money they can save is staggering. Saving money is always a great thing, but when it comes to a family of seven it's not just nice, it's NECESSARY! Whether it's couponing or budgeting or whatever, I want to find some way, especially until I actually get hired at a full-time job, to contribute to saving money.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

What are the odds?






With the odds of something like this happening once, let alone twice, I really need to become a serious lotto player. About five years ago I got Bells Palsy - where one side of your face literally just doesn't work - that lasted about six weeks, a relatively short time for the duration of this particular disease. Now, I have it again - and the odds of that happening are pretty rare, so I figure I better take advantage and play the Washington Powerball. lol After all, it IS up to 200 million, and I wouldn't turn my nose up at that kind of money. :-p

In better news, we have a puppy! We just got her (we think it's a her - when the kids and I were all debating about what she was or what we should name her, I said "since it's in question, why don't we just name her Gaga?") this last Friday. She's a chihuaua, so she won't get a whole lot bigger than she is now, and she is so adorable. She's everyone's puppy, but I'm the one who is home all day and thus feeds her, cleans up after her, bathes her, even lets her sleep with me and gets up at least two or three times a night to have her go to the bathroom or tolerate her spurts of energy at 3 am and 6 am that have her trying to bite my ear, my fingers, whatever she can feasibly reach. It's a lot like having a baby - except she'll never talk back. lol

In even better news, I have a job! It's a part-time summer thing, so I'm still looking for a regular, full-time gig, but this is possibly one of the coolest jobs ever - it's at a big casino a few towns over, and I'll be working in their VIP area for their summer concert series, which means that I get to see a bunch of awesome concerts this summer and get paid for it!! Reba (with Sunny Sweeney, who I also love), Toby Keith, the Steve Miller Band, and the Beach Boys are just a few of the awesome artists I'll get to see this summer. =)

One of the pictures, the one where I'm holding up my elbow, is the remaining battle scars from a quad accident the other weekend. My stepdaughter had friends over and they were running around on the quad and found a gigantic puddle to drive through - even Faith and London were having a blast riding through it, and I decided I wanted to go, too. Jessica's friend was driving, and somehow we hit a patch of something that luckily everyone else had been avoiding, and we tipped over and the quad came down on my side. My hand was bleeding a little when we got back, but it didn't seem all that bad until the next morning when I could barely move my right arm. I had scrapes on the heel of my hand and on my elbow, bruises and scratches all over my body, especially the right side. I couldn't use my right hand until that next Wednesday, I think it was. I'm all for battle scars once they've healed, but while all those injuries were healing, it was pure torture. I had never been so happy in my life to be able to do a sinkful of dishes as I was that Wednesday after three days of not being able to even move my hand.

School will be out for all the older kids next Monday - hard to believe I started dating, got married, and moved out of state all in the span of less than one school year. (Even harder to believe that the dating and getting married part happened in 2 months. lol) Faith and London were going to go visit their biological dad for five weeks beginning the week after school ended, but in order to make it possible for my parents to drive them back here and visit for a few days, we're pushing that back until July 2nd......I am so not looking forward to being away from my kids for that long, but I keep telling myself it was a condiiton of us getting to move up here in the first place, and the end justifies the means. Still.....that won't actually make it any easier.

Well, I think that's it for now. I just had to write something about the things that have been happening recently after finally posting that blog that took me like two months to write. lol

Thursday, April 28, 2011

California Love

(I wrote this more than a month ago and figured it's time to just quit adding to it, post it, and start another entry in another two months. lol)

I just looked at the date and realized that it's three months to my birthday - maybe once I hit my 30's I'll get over the shock of my late 20's. lol It's also just a few days since the 5-month mark of mine and V's marriage - my, how the time does fly! Especially the last month, which was spent mostly in California. Faith, London, and I left on April 2nd and drove straight there - yes, I, LJ, possibly the most directionally challenged person I know, actually drove nearly 1,000 miles with nothing but the help of the maps app on my phone. Not only am I severly directionally challenged, I had never driven further than Denair to Sacramento and back on my own, so 1,000 miles was quite the feat in my book. When I showed up at Aryn's house in the Spy Car, she didn't believe me at first that I had driven all that way by myself. lol All I have to say is, thank goodness for GPS - I don't do maps. The drive itself was suprisingly easy, just long - we left here at 7:15 am and got to our first stop in Denair, my brother's house, at 11:00 that night. On the way there we only made three stops for gas and bathroom breaks, so it made for a verrrrry long day. lol

Spencer had the girls for the first week we were there, so that time was extremely rare - no kids at all, (quite a switch from 5 here at home!) complete freedom to come and go as I pleased and do whatever I wanted. I stayed at my brother's the whole time I was there, so we would hang out in the evenings when he got off work, and I saw a couple of friends during the day, cleaned up around the house, went on walks.....pretty normal stuff. The latest I slept in was 7:40 the entire time I was there, and one day I even got up at like 5:30 to sit in on my sister-in-law's class at MJC. =) It was pretty awesome - I must be growing up since that is my defintion of pretty awesome during a week free from responsibility. lol After the first week, my girls were back with me during the day and spending the night with my mom and stepdad every night, so I still had my nights free - another very weird thing, to only have your kids for the day and send them back to Grandma and Grandpa when it's time for bed. (Isn't it usually the other way around? lol)

All in all, I had a wonderful time. There's something awesome about going back to a place you've moved away from, seeing people you don't get to see for months at a time - you can just enjoy the place and the people knowing it's for a short time and not knowing when it will happen again. I definitely created some lasting memories with my goofy family. =)

Eventually it was time to face the reason I was there for so long - a court date with my ex over child support. We were the very last people called up there and had to wait FOUR HOURS and I had to listen to numerous deadbeats trying to justify why their car payments and cruises were more important than helping support their children. When one such person kept saying how he had all these bills he had to pay and couldn't pay that much child support because of all his other bills and the judge responded, "Child support is considered your MOST IMPORTANT bill," I was hopeful. Not so hopeful when I realized that every single person who went up there got their child support lowered. In a couple of cases, it was even dropped to $0 temporarily. The longer I sat there, the more I stressed, and the more angry I got. It just blows my mind how non-custodial parents so often think that their obligation to their children is over because they no longer live with them. I know there are a lot of non-custodial parents who DO provide what their children need, but unfortunately court is a great example of the dregs of society who don't.

When it was my turn to go out in the hall and talk to the D.A., I gave her a brief rundown of the situation, our finances, etc (for instance, a new spouse's income is mentioned but doesn't actually factor into calculations). I had done some research before I left and had been particularly interested in the part of the court's website that essentially says to use caution when asking for a reduction in child support, because if you're spending less time with your kids, you could end up paying more even though you're going in there asking to pay less. So I decided I was going to ask for more - after all, $600 a month is nothing compared to a child's actual expenses. (And it helps even less when you DON'T GET ANY OF IT.) The D.A. seemed supportive of the idea that I had come a long way for this court date and I was going to prove a point if nothing else, though she did warn me, "I just want to make sure you understand that ANYTHING can happen in there. It's all up to the judge, and he could raise it, but he could also lower it or keep it the same." More nerves.

A good three hours after that, it was our turn in front of the judge - who was extremely patient and lenient as far as judges go. Most that I've seen don't just let people go off on unnecessary things for more than a few seconds, but this guy listened to virtually everything anyone wanted to say. The patient part I was okay with, but the lenient part - specifically the lowering everyone else's child support that he saw that day - worried me.

I'm not going to go into all the specifics of our discussion with the judge, but suffice it to say he was not happy AT ALL when he learned of all the money my ex was receiving between his parents and his photography business and still not making any effort to pay child support. I'd like to personally thank my ex, in fact, for purchasing an iPhone the day before court, since I think such an unneccesary luxury while being over $10,000 in arrears on child support definitely helped my case. The more I listened to him lie about how much money he gets and his financial situation and the more I thought about all the luxuries he enjoys while TOTALLY skipping out on child support, the more angry I got. And when I brought up how he receives money for things like cable and internet but doesn't pay child support, the judge turned to him and said, "You're very fortunate that your parents help you out as much as they do - and now you need to turn around and do the same for your children." I think my FAVORITE part though, aside from the final ruling, was when he started going off on personal things and brought up how we had discussed making an agreement between the two of us that would give me 30% - "not of the money I get from my parents, but from my PROFIT", he was quick to point out - of his monthly income - sorry, not income, PROFIT - as if I were the jerk for not agreeing to it, and I just couldn't keep my mouth shut anymore. I'm generally pretty calm and collected when it comes to all this court stuff - I've certainly dealt with enough of it in the past year or so - but when he said that I said something to the effect of, "good thing I didn't, because I REALLY wouldn't see anything then, since I haven't anyway!" And the D.A., who is always so neutral and professional, turned to me and gave me a triumphant "you go girl!" look. It was awesome. =)

The Dissomaster (child support calculator) came up with two figures, both more than he was last ordered to pay, one significantly more so. The judge asked me to pick a figure lower than the higher one that I would be comfortable with, and I threw out $800. I wish I could have seen the look on his face when I asked for more than he was paying, because Aryn, who had patiently waited with me for those four hours, said it was priceless. While the judge was talking to my ex, the D.A. leaned over and asked me if I would be okay with just keeping it at the $600. I thought about it for a second and said, "Actually, I'm really not. I came all this way for this, I want to see it through." The actual AMOUNTS aren't even all that important, but the fact that I had to travel 1,000 and be away from home for three weeks (not that I didn't have an awesome time there, court appearance aside) and all the expense we had to go to for that when he already wasn't paying anything and just wanted to get away with owing less, REALLY ticked me off.

I had planned on leaving on Wednesday, the day after court, but we ended up staying until Saturday. We were all enjoying each other's company so much, and the girls weren't ready to leave - even when we left on Saturday, Faith was crying because she wanted to go back to Bum and Papa. =( There were a few reasons we stayed longer, and one of them was because Aryn invited me to go to Santa Cruz with her and the kids that Friday, which was awesome and just the perfect way to end the trip. Gage and I must have ridden the Giant Dipper six times. It was late when we got back, around 11:30, so I got about four hours of sleep before we headed out the next morning. I wanted to get an early start so I wouldn't be driving for hours at night like I had been on the way to CA and had planned on leaving at 5am. We left at 5:45, so we weren't too far behind schedule, but after so little sleep I was so tired we had to stop a lot more on the way home. And when we got to Highway 14, we stopped for a few minutes to check out Washington's own Stonehenge, which was pretty cool.

Everything previous to this was written nearly a month ago - I can't tell you how many drafts of different blogs I have saved that never see the light of day. I'll be in the middle of one and not be able to finish it and intend to go back to it later.....then, after a month, I sit down to write another blog. lol

I've been back from California for three weeks, and the past two weeks I've been in serious job searching mode. I actually have an interview later today, so we'll see how that goes. Every single morning after the kids leave for school, I sit at the computer and apply for every job I can find. Some days, like today, don't turn up many, but I had a few days last week where I found 10-15 jobs per day to apply to. I'm just hoping that something I'm qualified for turns up soon.

I've been in kind of a funk off and on since returning from California. Just when I was getting used to living here, I left for three weeks and got used to being there, only to come back and have to get used to living here all over again. Don't get me wrong, I missed my husband and my home and everything, it was just weird making all those adjustments to different places. Washington is home now, but I miss my friends and family in California. I was never meant to stay there, though....I had been wanting to move out of state for quite a while before V and I got married. Funny how someplace you've only lived in for a few months can feel more like home than the place you lived for years.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Committed

I'm working on one of the new book ideas I came up with and decided to take a break and write about the past couple of days. Despite what I said before, this idea is actually reminiscent of my own life - I guess there's really no getting around it, is there? We each put SOMETHING of ourselves in everything we write. My main characters always have either qualities I have or want to have. This idea, though, is different from true-to-life things I've written in the past. If I can just keep up with the writing, I think it could turn out pretty good. =)

So on Monday I had my appointment with the admissions counselor at EWU - I felt like I had stepped into a time machine when I found a parking spot and started walking around the imposing campus. I felt the same nerves when I was getting acquainted with MJC, but MJC is much smaller and much easier to navigate than EWU (and I could get myself turned around pretty good on MJC East trying to figure out where I had parked and how to get there from where I was, depending on which building my class was in). Shae, my oldest stepdaughter, does Running Start at EWU, so she had drawn on the map of the campus I printed out and told me where to park and how to get to where I needed to be. I found a spot on what was probably not the exact road she had pointed out - since by the time I made it there, my frayed nerves had made her exact instructions a little blurry. I knew I was in the general area, though, so I set off in the direction I figured I needed to go - which was of course on the opposite corner of where I parked (because it was free to park over there), on the furthest part of the campus. Occasionally I pulled out my map to see if I could tell where I was and if I was going in the right direction, but I've never been good at reading maps OR having any sense of direction, so something like this, by myself, was very nearly an educational suicide mission. When I had made my way to the other side of the campus and there was still no sign of the building I needed, I asked someone walking in my direction where the building was, and I actually wasn't too far from it.

Once inside, I asked the woman at the front desk where the academic counseling office was and she directed me to the third floor. Now, I'm not afraid of elevators like I used to be, but I'll still take the stairs any day over one of those industrial gray boxes. It's different if they are see-through or fancy in some way, but those regular elevators....no thanks. So I hoofed it up the stairs and realized once again when I arrived on the third floor panting like a dog, heart racing, that you don't have to be fat to be out of shape. lol They couldn't find my appointment, though, and come to find out that prospective students usually meet with someone downstairs - so back down those three flights of stairs I went. (Thankfully, down is always easier than up!) It took me far longer to find my way TO the place than it took me to meet with the guy (isn't that always the way it goes?) but the meeting went well, and my best bet is to take the rest of my AA requirements at a junior college since all I need is a college-level math course and a lab science (something that wasn't required at MJC for the degree I was going for), which will be cheaper than taking them at a four-year. After I finish those, I'll automatically be accepted to EWU and can get my BA in Psychology - and I don't know how these things work at other universities, but the EWU brochure points out that the psychology professors there involve their students in their research and publishings, so I really can't wait for that!

Trying to find my way back to my car after the meeting was even more difficult than finding the building in the first place. I was bemoaning my lack of direction when I saw a building I had passed on the way over and congratulated myself for figuring out where I was and that I was headed in the right direction, thinking maybe my sense of direction was unexpectedly improving. About twenty seconds later I realized this was not the case - I had no idea where I was and didn't recognize any of the buildings around me. There had been construction by where I parked and I could see the construction ahead of me, so I figured if I followed that out to the road, I'd be able to easily find where I parked. I had made a point of looking at the street signs right near where I parked and knew that I needed to find Elm and Eerie, and hoped that the street I came out on would be Elm. Luckily, it was - but as I looked up and down the street I realized that nothing looked familiar there either, and I had no idea which direction Eerie was in. I REALLY got lucky - God was watching over this poor, directionless soul. lol - and didn't have to walk far before I could see a street sign that said Eerie and not long after that, the distinctive color of my Gaucmobile. =)(Seriously, I love this car - aside from the fact that it drives well and has lots of room, I never have to worry about losing it in a parking lot! lol)

Yesterday I had the appointment with one of the temp agencies I registered with, where I took five different tests and met with someone to discuss my resume in more detail and talk about what kind of work I'm willing to do. Unfortunately since I haven't worked in 6 years and my job history prior to that is the somewhat spotty history of a teenager who didn't HAVE to work and thus wasn't really invested in many of the jobs I had. There were a few that I enjoyed, but even though two of those lasted nearly a year, I don't even have a job on my resume that lasted a year. And, sadly, when it comes to the real world, 6 years as a Domestic Engineer doesn't count for much. BUT I'm hopeful that I can do some temporary work to start getting my resume built up. Wish me luck - I need it! =)

In the meantime, in between getting prepared for school and submitting as many job applications as I can, wherever I can, I'm working on my writing. As you can see, I'm trying to blog more to, at the very least, even if I don't have much to say, keep the typing skills fresh and the creative juices flowing. Besides the blog, I've got this new idea I just started working on - I've got all the chapters and basic ideas outlined, and yesterday I started working on the first chapter, which is what I'm going to get back to when I'm done with this blog. Before I do that, though, I want to get back to my 3 things since I haven't done that in the past couple of entries - and I'll try to come up with completely new things, since you all already know how grateful I am for my husband and family. =)

1. I'm grateful for the talents God has blessed me with. I often wish that I could sing spectacularly well or play an instrument or something like that, but the fact is I'm really glad I can write. I'm not a bad singer and I've never taken any kind of lessons to even try and learn an instrument, I'm too klutzy to be great at sports (pretty sure walking without running into things and not tripping over yourself are basic requirements for success in most sports), I can't draw.....the list of the things I'm NOT could go on forever, but I am truly grateful for the gifts I have been blessed with. I love being able to evoke emotion with my words and paint a vivid, thought-provoking picture without a canvas. I love that I can bring joy to others with my words - and though I have to be careful of how I use this part of it, I'm sometimes impressed with how I can use my words to defend myself. When used properly, it's extremely effective. Well, it tends to be extremely effective even when used IMproperly, but I try not to do that anymore. The other thing I think I'm really good at is how fast I type, which is something anyone can do with enough practice - that's how I got so good at it - and hopefully I can use to that to my advantage when looking for a job.

2. Material security. We're not rich, but compared to how my ex-husband and I lived, sometimes it feels like it. I don't have to worry about having money for food or electricity or getting evicted, and if I want to pick up the occasionall iTunes card or book or movie or whatever, it's not a big deal. This is something I don't think I'll ever take for granted after the life circumstances of my previous marriage or being a single mother, and I am always grateful for the blessings of God and the unbelievably hard work of my husband that makes this possible.

3. Spring! And the fact that I've survived my first Washington winter without becoming an icicle. lol I never had to drive that much in the snow, thank goodness, because I am NOT a fan - and especially not a fan of backing out of our driveway when it's snowing or has been snowing. Yesterday I had to trudge through the sludge that is our driveway in my nice shoes, almost slipped in the mud right next to my car, and then gun it to back out of the muddy tracks my car sits in - but I can't complain too much, since the roads are fine and I haven't gotten stuck trying to get out of the driveway in a while.

And now for the three things I need to work on, which will hopefully at some point in the near future be things I can say I have conquered:

1. My insecurity about my writing. Too often I let insecurity hold me back when I want to do something but am afraid of failing at it. Nothing ever happens in life when you sit back and wait for something to happen TO you....I've lived it. And I've found that some of the most exhilirating, wonderful things I've experienced have happened when I've let go of my worries - or at the very least not let them stop me from doing something - and just jumped in with both feet, fully committed. Thus my committment to write SOMETHING every day, regardless of how nervous I am at how it might be critiqued or if it might never see the light of a bookstore....I'm just going to do it, and not let the fear of failure or even temporary failure itself keep me from my dreams.

2. My eating habits. I've generally been eating basically nothing for most of the day except for a few small snacks and then finally eating like I should at dinner, and I'd just like to eat healthier in general and start getting some exercise every day, like going for a walk or taking London to the park now that the weather is nicer. Like I thought after I walked up those stairs yesterday, you don't have to be fat to be out of shape, and I'd like to be in good shape in every sense of the term.

3. This is something I'm still working on, but it was something that I REALLY needed to work on in the past and feel like I'm doing pretty well at: cooking. I don't LOVE it yet, but I don't mind it, and that's a pretty big step from how I used to feel about it. lol I hate it when I disagree with someone and turn out to be wrong, but in this case I have to give kudos to everyone who told me that I would like it and be good at it if I would just do it, and they were right (I can feel a chorus of "I told you so's" coming). I've made some pretty cool stuff - chicken costa brava, sweet and sour meatballs, tilapia, French's crunchy onion chicken....all kinds of stuff, and everything I've made has turned out good, which has made me like it more and given me more confidence. I've actually found, against all odds, that I would much rather make an elaborate meal than throw a dinner together that can be assembled in the microwave. Whoulda thunk? ;-)

Monday, March 21, 2011

Back to the grind, into the groove.......you get the idea.

I have been suprisingly productive considering the fact that it's Monday at 11:00 am after a wonderful, relaxing weekend - then again, maybe not. Weekends like that are great for rejuvenation. =) I've put in a couple of job apps already, although I have a lot more hope that my hubby that pull some strings with his contacts than that I will get a job on my own merit. Unless you come across the right person at the right time, your skill set doesn't seem to matter much when what you have to show for the last six years are two beautiful little girls, which the work world tends to look at as a liability rather than a strength. This economy is all wrong - actors and athletes should get paid less, and stay-at-home moms should be the ones rewarded with all that wealth (hey, I can dream! lol)

In addition to doing some job hunting, I have an appointment with a counselor at EWU at 4:00 today to see what I would need to take to finish my degree if I transfer there, and two possible options for community colleges I could attend to finish up the requirements for my AA, and THEN transfer to a four-year. It's so frustrating that I found out in what SHOULD have been my last semester that the math class I was taking no longer counted towards a degree. Also frustrating that at 26 years old I have nothing to show for myself professionally and very little academically, but I have a feeling that's going to turn around here pretty soon. ;-) And besides, what really matters are the things that REALLY mean something, and I am abundantly blessed in those areas.

So back to my wonderful weekend - Jess's friend came over Friday evening and we left around 7:00 and headed to Couer d'Alene, got checked in at the resort and headed straight for the Iron Horse, the restaraunt we went to on our first weekend together that has crab dip that will blow your mind. It was every bit as good as I remembered, unlike most things that you build up in your mind only to be disappointed when it doesn't live up to your memory. We hung around there for a while and listened to the live band, which was pretty good. They did covers of a lot of great songs, so we just sat around watching and laughing at drunk people who were attempting to dance like they were good at it. One such group of people were sitting at the table next to us, and literally the SECOND that V got up to go to the bathroom and was out of sight, two of the guys from that table - one who had already been annoying us - came over to talk to me and try and get me to dance, and as if that weren't bad enough they were both completely plastered and so irritating. I was getting tired of politely telling them "thanks, but no thanks" when V came back from the bathroom and put them in their place. =)

As much fun as it was listening to the band, I didn't want to waste what precious little alone time we had together around a bunch of annoying drunk people regardless of how cool the music was, so we went back to the hotel and [edited for explicit content] (hehe) and went down to one of the lounges in the hotel and watched more drunk people dance, which was even more amusing this time. We came up with names for some of them based on how they were dancing - like a blond woman who looked like she was a cat coughing up a hairball - and were rewarded for our people watching when this one girl who thought she was hot stuff and had been dancing all around and rubbing up on everyone else out there dancing whether she knew them or not totally fell on her butt and embarassed herself - it was AWESOME. lol By the time we went back up to our room, ordered room service and a movie that didn't get watched, it had to have been 4 am by the time we went to sleep. We had to be back home by 2:00 on Saturday so unfortunately there really wasn't time to sleep in, so after a few hours of sleep we got checked out and went to Hudson's, where they have awesome hamburgers and that's about it - they're so famous for them, that's all they need. After we ate we bummed around and looked at a couple of stores - one that had nothing but Irish stuff in it, which was of course greatly appealing to both of us, and then a toy store - I think it was called Figpickle's. =)

After we got home, with the exception of church on Sunday and the potluck right afterwards, all we did was lay around and watch movies. I had never seen the sixth Harry Potter movie or The Three Amigos, which V had been quoting a lot, so we watched those on Saturday and then Grown Ups, which I had seen but he hadn't - it's hilarious. =) Then on Sunday we watched Little Giants - another great movie I had never seen. It was such a relaxing weekend, and we NEVER just sit around and do nothing like that, so it was really nice. =)

This week looks promising thanks to today's appointment at EWU, one tomorrow at a temp agency, and the book idea I'm about to start working on. Funny how time flies when you're so involved in working on something - it's almost noon and I still need to shower and do the dishes, but I need to get some of these ideas out on paper (well, screen) first. I also need to get things situated for California - that will be upon me before I know it, and there are a few things to get prepared for as far as that's concerned. I'll miss home, but it will be nice to see everyone back there after being gone for 3 months. =)

Well, it's time to get on other things - a bunch of things need my attention right now - and I love it that way. I would so much rather be busy and have life be hectic than have nothing to do! Until later. =)

Friday, March 18, 2011

Soooo excited!!

(This pic is from last night, all decked out in our St. Patrick's Day stuff =))
Our night has been rescued! One of my stepdaughter's friends is going to come spend the night with Faith and London so V and I are able to go out tonight after all! We tossed around a few ideas about where to go, like Silver Mountain I think it's called, which I guess is like a big water park - and that would have been fun, but we're not leaving tonight until like 7:00 and we have to be back tomorrow by 2:30, so we decided just to go to Couer d'Alene - where we went our first weekend together, AND where we got married - get a hotel room, go to the restaurant that has that incredible crab dip, and just generally bum around and be able to spend time together ALONE. That's what I'm most excited about - the alone part. lol Ironic how the more children you have, the more time a couple NEEDS to be alone together, and yet the less time you actually have to do it.

Anyway, I'm super excited and I think it's going to be lots of fun, and London is really excited that Holly is coming over - Faith doesn't know yet, but she will be too. When she did cheer camp, Holly was one of the older girls she gravitated towards who seems to love both of them and is always playing games with them, like teaching London how to do "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" which London gives a different name to each time - I think this morning it was "Head, Knees, Knees". =)Speaking of London, she's come up with more verbal gems lately - although it's hard to top the morning she looked at her bagel and said ".....and I will call you TASTY!" - like today when she informed me that you can determine a person's gender by the way they fart. I don't know where she gets this stuff! lol She's quite the little fireball - the OPINIONATED little fireball, just like her Mama. I am so glad to see her and Faith adjusting so well to life here - they have their moments, just like we all do, but they really are doing so good. They are both really excited to go see Bum and Papa in California, though. =)

Well, once again it is London's naptime - the only time I ever really get anything done, at least on the computer - and I need to finish up the dishes and get in the shower. Until next time! =)

Thursday, March 17, 2011

What was I writing about again?.......

I'll take the trade any day, don't get me wrong, but being in a healthy relationship sure is stifling my creativity. lol It sounds awful, and I don't know if this is true for other writers, but I write so much better and have so many more ideas when life is tumultuous and unhappy. I've written hundreds of poems and the best ones are always the "about-to-slit-my-wrists" variety (that's a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea). I can think of maybe one or two poems out of all the ones I've ever written - in fact, I started writing poetry when I was 11 and have probably written at least a thousand of them, it's just that only about 300 of those had enough merit to bother keeping out of the trash.

I, like everyone else I know, am my own worst critic, ESPECIALLY when it comes to my writing. I'll defend anything else I do to the death - "what, you don't like the way I arranged that? Cleaned that? Cooked that? Well I do, so shut up!" (Depending on who I'm talking to. lol) - but I am hypercritical of my writing, which oddly enough is the one thing I've never heard anything bad about. You could take literally anything else in my life or on my person, things I can help and things I can't, and SOMEONE, at SOME point, or several someones, has had something to criticize me about it, often just for the sake of criticizing it - and yet my writing is the one thing no one has ever ripped apart (to my face anyway....who really knows), so I have to swoop in and find something wrong with all of it.....no wonder I'm a writer. I really do have issues. lol Not that all writers have issues, but it has been said that "writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia", and I find it to be totally true. And that's the problem right now! Normally there are ideas, characters, plots floating around in my head, characters clawing at the surface that won't calm down until I get their words and personalities on paper.....and now I'm like, "where are my voices??"

I have an idea I was starting to work on when the laptop I was using was stolen about a year ago - crazy how the time flies, because it doesn't seem like nearly so long ago that I was working on this story - that I think I'm going to flesh out, at least unless and until I get the inspiration to work on something different. They - again, whoever "they" are - say to write about what you know, and I tend to do that -sometimes too much. The first and only novel I've completed was completely true, every word of it. Names were changed and I played with the words to make it seem like fiction, but it was all true, and that's the last time I want to do something like that. I guess in finishing it, I lost the desire to do it anymore. Which is fine - so since then, I've generally taken a kernel of truth and expanded it into something far more exaggerated than where my own emotions or experiences began. Or, in some cases, not quite so exaggerated, but still not quite recognizable as ME.

Like I said, I'll take the trade any day - who would sacrifice happiness for creativity when given the chance? Well, what sane person anyway..... but I've never had to work so hard at the basics of coming up with ideas and characters, and it's totally throwing me. I've never even had to work so hard at just WRITING, period. I stopped writing publicly so much when my first marriage really began the downward spiral, but I still WROTE. I have a private online journal that's barely been touched in months, because for the first time in as long as I can remember, there's nothing deeply troubling happening in my life. Now I just have to force the ideas out, which is harder of course, but I don't want to stop writing just because my motivations have changed. That would be pretty stupid and wasteful given that I've spent my entire life always wanted to be a published author.

I think part of a lack of motivation can also come from not reading, which is also something I've always loved to do. Up until life got so busy, I devoured books like you wouldn't believe. I finally got my books unpacked (to a point) and got back into reading my favorite series (the Baxter family books by Karen Kingsbury....to read them is to love them and possibly even let them change your life), which is inspiring. I ordered the one book from the series that I didn't have and while I'm waiting for it to get here I'm reading this awesome book called "A Discovery of Witches" by Deborah Harkness, I think it is. Book reviews don't normally catch my interest too much, but I saw this one reviewed in People or US Weekly or something and was really intrigued - it's kind of like an adult version of a combination of Harry Potter and Twilight....all these magical creatures with science and history thrown in. To me, that's a perfect combination! It's pretty long, nearly 600 pages, and I'm not much over a hundred pages in, but I'm reading it every chance I get and I love it.

So, wish me luck - it's far past time for me to throw myself into my writing and FINALLY churn out that bestseller. =) (Or at the very least, just FINISH something.....lol) I have a few other ideas besides the aforementioned story I started last year, but I really want to do something different....and therein lies the biggest challenge.

In other news, I think it's pretty cool that today is my first St. Patrick's day with an Irish man who really likes to celebrate the holiday and is going to cook an authentic Irish meal tonight. =) I love being Irish - at the very least, it gives me something to blame when my temper erupts. ;-)(Of course, these days my temper is a poor shadow of a true Irishwoman, but that's okay. lol)

Well, thanks to actually sitting downn and writing out these thoughts, I have - surprise! suprise! - actually come up with some other potentially viable ideas for other stories. Now I just need to come up with an idea for tomorrow night.....V and I had planned to go somewhere for the night all by ourselves - a phenomenon that hasn't occured since the night we got married almost four months ago - and a couple from church was going to watch the little girls while the older kids our at their mom's house.....and then I got a call this morning from our friend at church who is sick and can't watch Faith and London tomorrow night. :-( Aside from the fact that we haven't had a night alone since the night we got married - and even then, the next morning we had to go pick up Mom and the little girls from their hotel room fairly early in the morning - which is enough of a reason in and of itself - I'm headed to California for two and a half weeks very soon here, and I NEED time alone with my husband. Shocking, right? A wife who actually wants to be alone with her husband?? lol So cross your fingers, please - I'm really hoping we can figure something out and still be able to go out tomorrow night. Especially since the girls actually reacted favorably when I told them - mere moments before the phone call - that they were having a sleepover at someone else's house tomorrow night. Grrr......

Anyway, I need to get some other things done while the house is quiet and London is asleep. Wish me luck! =)

Friday, March 4, 2011

Peace

I've been listening to so much music lately I'm not sure if I can write in original thoughts instead of song lyrics, but I'll give it a shot. ;-) In keeping with recent tradition, I wrote those two entries back to back in January, and now here it is MARCH and I haven't said anything since then. I really need to get back in the habit of writing if I ever want to make the bestseller's list.....kind of a necessity. lol

Part of the idea of writing about gratitude and personal growth is, I think, coming up with different things to be grateful for and that need to be fixed, but of course there are always those constants. Family is a given, but I can't say it enough - I'm so unbelievably grateful for mine. V is everything I could ever want or need - the whole package, for the first time. This is literally the first time that I've had all those elements you want in a relationship: attraction, friendship, respect, security, love.....on and on and on. It just goes to show you that you never know what life is going to bring you, that there is no particular checklist as to how you should find the perfect person for you. There were a lot of people that were surprised by V and I getting together in the first place, and especially by how quickly our relationship progressed - although I think more people, the ones who genuinely care about both of us, just looked at how happy we make each other and it all made sense. It definitely threw all of MY ideas about relationships out the window, though. lol At first after my divorce I swore that I never wanted to get married again - for a while there I wasn't even interested in dating, period, because the idea of getting out there again and getting to know someone from square one and all that frankly just exhausted me and really didn't seem worth it at the time. But it just wasn't like that with V.....we started talking and quickly realized just how much we had in common and how similarly we think about things (to the point where we were both like, ok, when is the other shoe gonna drop? because we can't be THAT perfect for each other) and all of a sudden all the things I had decided for my future just flew out the window. We've only been married for a little over 3 months and only been living together for 2 of those months, but it's amazing how quickly we just fit together and how well we know each other.....like I've said before, it's wonderful to see how God takes the ruins of the past and builds something incredible for the future. And V really is something incredible - even if I hadn't had bad relationships before him (and boy did I), I still couldn't ever see taking someone like him for granted. He works so hard - SO hard - at his job with its ridiculously early hours, and then at home taking care of all of us and whatever we need. I constantly wonder what I could possibly have done to deserve someone as great as he is - actually, that right there is a lesson in God's undeserved mercies and blessings, because I guarantee you I've never done anything good enough to deserve someone like him. (Of course I'm not sure I ever did anything BAD enough to deserve my ex-husband either.....) But the beauty of that is when God gives you something better than you deserve, you do your best to rise to the occasion and BECOME worthy of it.

That is something else I am continually aware of and grateful for - I mean I sure have my faults and have made my mistakes (oh boy, have I) and I'll never be perfect, but I feel like being with V makes me the best version of myself. I spent so much of my life around people and in relationships with people who brought out the worst in me - what is that Bible verse? "Bad company corrupts good morals" or something like that. (Then again, I'm sure there have been many times when I WAS the "bad company" - and that, my friends, is what they call a viscious cycle.)

This is not all to say that everything constantly has the perfection of the rose-colored glasses honeymoon phase - are you kidding? We're newlyweds with 5 kids blending 2 families - it's an adjustment for everyone. BUT when those difficult times happen, it's not hard for me to look at the big picture and let how I feel about him carry me through whatever worry, etc. I have. And I think it's safe to say that we're always growing and learning how to be a family - Faith and London are doing particularly well, although London especially talks a lot about missing Bum and Papa. Faith looooves school and is doing great socially and academically. I took Jessica to see the special director's fan edition or whatever of the Justin Beiber movie last weekend - yes, I like JB, but I always have. =) Now I just have a shirt and purple 3D glasses to prove it. lol Last weekend Shae, Jess, and I went shopping together, which was fun. I really got lucky with V - how many stepkids are this good and fun to be around? (Of course, according to Disney it's the stepMOMS you really have to worry about. Not true!! lol) And for Faith and London to finally have a RESPONSIBLE father who loves them means so much to me.

The last thing on my list of gratitude is kind of a blessing in disguise and not ENTIRELY something that I'm grateful for, but it's turning into something good. Faith and London have to go to California to spend Faith's spring break with their bio dad, and I found out a few weeks ago that I have to be in Modesto like a week and a half AFTER that to go to court with said bio dad. (He wants to get his child support obligation reduced.......) Needless to say I am really irritated by the reason that I HAVE to be in California, but like I said it's turning into something good - instead of only spending a week down there and not really having time to spend with everyone else since Spencer will have them, the girls will go to my mom's house after their week with Spencer and stay with them for like a week, week and a half. My part in all of this hasn't completely been decided yet - I'll either drive the girls down and stay the entire two and a half weeks there as well, or I'll stay here until like 5 days before the court date and then go down and visit with friends and family and drive back with the girls probably the day after court. Either way Faith, London, and I will get to spend time with people in CA that we miss, which will be nice.

This part is always harder - I used to be able to think of negative things so easily, but these days it is much easier to count my blessings than think of things I wish were different. Of course, there are ALWAYS things I can improve on, so here goes:

I need to write more in general, but beyond that I need to come up with some ideas to really get the creative juices flowing and finally write the book I've been wanting to write for a couple of years.

The next two things are continous works in progress that have always been things I needed to work on, and I finally feel like I have basically DONE. They will never be completely accomplished, but I've gotten to a point with both of these things that I feel worth celebrating them. Both of them have definitely happened because of my relationship with V - without being with someone who completes you, supports you, and inspires you to be the best version of yourself, there's no way lifelong (or even months-long) struggles can be overcome.

The first is the title of this blog and the meaning behind it - "workings towards someday". I started this blog after I separated from my ex-husband, knowing that life should, could, and WOULD be different, and better....someday. I knew there were things about me that had to change, demons that had to be dealt with, experiences I needed to have, etc. before I would ever get to someday, and I didn't know how long it would take, but I knew I would get there. "There" being the basically indefinable point of being not just content but HAPPY, of being the person I needed to be for myself and my children. As long as I'm living I'll always be growing, learning, improving - I hope - but thanks to V, that formely elusive "someday" is here and now. I considered starting a new blog since the title no longer fits, but I like the idea of looking back and seeing where I've been, how far I've come.

The last thing is coming to peace with my past. I've always been a reflective person, often thinking about people or events from months or years ago, usually overanalyzing things to death (I suppose those things are part of being a writer and a woman. lol) and, up until starting to date V, wondering what I could have done differently and wishing I HAD done things differently. I'm not saying I've always done the right thing - far from it - or that if it were possible I wouldn't ever fix anything from the past if a genie magically appeared and granted me the chance (hey....you never know! :-p), but I've finally come to the place where I've stopped overanalyzing my mistakes. I've acknowledged them, repented of them, and learned from them - but I no longer DWELL on them. Sure, there are apologies I wish I could have been given and those I wish I could know if they were accepted, definitive places in my past where the right choice was obvious and I made the wrong one - but the bottom line, however cliched it may be, is that it led me here. And for that I can be nothing but grateful - because for the first time I am truly at peace with myself and my past.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Back to my "3 Things"

It's not quite 10:00 am and the dishes are done, kitchen is clean....everything is clean. So here I am, on the computer, listening to music ("Tonight" by Enrique Iglesias at the moment) preparing to make a record second post within a month. lol Without further ado, the 3 things I'm grateful for....

1. I'm not quite sure how to put this one into words (some writer I am, huh?) but like I said in my previous post, I feel like a different person, a better person. It's already become second nature to make sure things are clean before I sit down and do nothing, to do the normal things like cleaning the floors every day. This really shouldn't be such a revelation, but this was not something that used to come so naturally. I'm not going to get into why this didn't happen in my previous marriage, and I'm not going to pass off ALL the blame (just most of it....jk) for it, but suffice it to say it just didn't happen like that, and now it does. So I'm grateful for the changes in me, big and small, that this relationship, this life, had inspired.

2. The irony of life. Sometimes I'll just lay next to Vernon at night and marvel that we ended up here, thinking about the vastly different places of life we were in when we met (he was married with 3 kids, I was a teenager - like 15 I think....lol)and now, here we are.....married to each other! I think it's so awesome. I love it when life turns out that way. =)

3. This beautiful weather. The snow is so incredible - I can't imagine ever tiring of the view. (That is, when I'm not out IN it. I much prefer the view from out the window as opposed to standing in it. Because as beautiful it is, it's also FREAKING FREEZING and this California girl is not used to it.)

Aaaaaand the 3 things I need to work on:

1. Making sure I stay in touch with people back in California. Thank goodness for Facebook, right? But not everyone is on Facebook at all or even on a regular basis, and it's mostly superficial interaction that way anyway. I've done the move-and-lose-touch-with-people-you-swore-you-never-would thing before and I want to make sure that doesn't happen this time since there are a lot of awesome family and friends back there that I miss. =)

2. Having the courage to overcome fears. I've done so good ever since I was single this last time and had the chance to figure out who I was on my own and did things like get on a plane by myself when I was terrified of flying and had never done it on my own. There was the fear of flying, which is basically non-existent now that I've done it so many times just in the last couple of months (here and back to California 4 times, California to Minnesota and back, and that's all just since this past October). And now I actually LIKE taking off, and have seriously cut down on the number of paranoid death scenarios I imagine while on the plane. lol AND I used to have this weird claustrophic fear of elevators and getting stuck in them, and I had to get used to those too after flying with two small children and numerous bags so many times. Don't get me wrong, I'd still totally freak out if I got stuck in one, but now I don't freak out just getting in one. lol NOW I need to apply the same "just do it and you'll get used to it" attitude towards driving in the snow and finding my way around this totally new place. This is the first time I've made such a big move and had to learn a completely new area. Before all of my moves that happened when I was old enough for it to matter to me were small ones, from Hilmar to Hughson, one house in Hughson to another house in Hughson, Hughson to Turlock, BACK to Hughson, then to Denair.....you get the picture. This 1,000 mile move is a completely different animal.

3. Getting a job! I sent out a bunch of emails and resumes yesterday, and I'm going to do as much as I can to ensure that I can start working. Wish me luck!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Home Sweet Home!

I am finally, FINALLY sitting here in my new home in Washington, and you wouldn't believe what it took to get here. Up until now, my entire romantic relationship with my now-husband was long distance with an average of one weekend a month together, basically. I fell for him so hard, so fast though, and with all of the time we spent on the phone together, I felt like we had been together for years. I was just recently talking to someone - another mother on her own who shared in the ridiculousness that was last Thursday night - about how you just KNOW when you're with The One. I realize it sounds incredibly cliched and just like every other relationship on the planet, every other girl in love with her rose-colored glasses on, but it's true - when you're with that person, the one you're meant to be with, you KNOW. Maybe it's different for other people, but for me I felt it with a certainty that was like slamming into a brick wall - there were butterflies all over the place, but there was also this clear-headed surety I had never felt before. It was definitely the first time I was ever looking through those rose-colored classes AND thinking clearly at the same time, and everything I was looking through pointed to him.

When we decided to get married, we knew we would have to spend some time apart while I finished my MJC class at the beginning of December since even though the class was online, the final was on campus. My final was on December 17th, and at first we decided that Vernon would drive down on January 8th because it was the first weekend after Christmas that he could come down. After a few weeks of being away from my husband, though, I knew there was no way I could wait that long to be with him. So, the next plan was that Faith, London, and I would drive up the day after Christmas - but after looking at the weather and thinking logically about making a drive like that by myself with two little girls in completely unfamiliar weather, we went back to Vernon driving down on the 8th. Our plans bounced around like that until I started looking at plane tickets and prices to just fly up there and mail stuff or SOMETHING so that we could be together sooner. Because Faith, London, and I had each gotten $150 discounts on future flights because of the 5-hour delay we experienced the last time we flew up here, I discovered that we could get one-way tickets essentially for free - we just had to pay for the taxes (which was only like $10 a ticket, which is pretty cool but soon confirmed the old adage that you get what you pay for). So FINALLY we decided that the girls and I would fly up on the 30th and bring as much of our stuff in suitcases that we reasonably could - which amounted to 3 carry-ons and 4 suitcases - and Vernon would fly down and drive the car back up.

Imagine my excitement at finally being able to be with my husband, to get out of the limbo I was living in where my home, technically, was 1,000 miles away, and I was married but not living anywhere near my husband. Weird, weird, weird. I've always been a wait-until-the-last-minute kind of person, and packing was no exception - although it meant that pathetic though it may be, the fact that I had very little of my own posessions came in handy in this case. My friend Carri, who is a master packer, helped me get everything together and within just a few days everything but a few big pieces of furniture were either in suitcases or in the car (2001 Pontiac Aztek, which contrary to what Time magazine claims is NOT one of the ugliest cars ever made, thankyouverymuch). That thing is packed to the gills, let me tell you.

So, Thursday arrives and with it all the anticipation of finally being with the man I love, having a month of long-distance marriage for what I perceived as a totally unacceptable reason (solely online classes used to have their finals online as well, which would have meant not being apart at all, but noooooo, I had to pick one whose final was on campus) be over. Our flight didn't leave until 7:15 in the evening, so we had all day to make sure we had everything together and say our final goodbyes. We stopped by my brother's work and my sister-in-law's house, then met up with Rachel (stepsister) and her daughter, who were on the way home from the Sacramento airport after dropping off my other stepsister, and then made it to the airport exactly on time. We parked right across from the Alaska/Horizon entrance and hauled everything in - which was interesting but mom and I managed with Faith dragging her car seat by its strap. lol - got our bags checked (did I mention that was 4 suitcases AND 2 car seats?) and said goodbye to my mom.....it's the goodbyes that were the only thing about this move that made me sad.

Finally checked in at the airport, I slung a carry-on over each shoulder, carried one huge bag in my hand and piled on the jackets wherever I could - I thought I was as well prepared as I could be for possible delays and definite freezing cold weather. We got upstairs and got some dinner - I figured we would be okay since even though airport food is expensive, even if we were delayed for a few hours our stomachs would be full and we could manage until we got there since we had a direct flight from Sacramento to Spokane - another thing I was excited about, since we usually had to stop in San Jose before continuing onto Spokane. My stepdad had called to let me know that my stepsister's flight to Portland had been delayed and that I should check on mine, which was right on schedule whenever I checked it. I was still pretty much expecting a delay since apparently that's just my luck (little did I know....)so I was ticked off but unsuprised when our flight was delayed slighly. We were supposed to leave at 7:15, which turned into 8:03.....then close to 9....and the next announcement was, "Ladies and gentleman, we apologize but flight 2142 has been cancelled. Please proceed to the ticket counter to make alternate arrangements." WHAT??!! Not even a several hour delay, no other plane, no anything- just no flight. Nothing.

I called Vernon first, of course, who thought I was joking and going to say "Haha, just kidding! I'm on the plane, I'll see you in two hours!" After like the third time he asked me if I was joking I said, "NO, I am NOT JOKING!" and I heard him say in the background, "She's not joking." I held it together while I was on the phone with him and then called my mom and cried, "I don't know what to do!" The only thing I could do was sling those bags over my shoulders again and lead two children - one distraught (Faith, who was crying "I want to go to Vernon's house!" which just made me cry because there was no way for us to get there that night), one pretty much just going with the flow but wanting to run all over the place. Again I wondered why I would get a flight that was so close to bedtime....oh, that's right! Because it was supposed to be a DIRECT FLIGHT.

We waited in a line that seemed to go on forever - we must have stood there for an hour at least. I could overhear that there were no flights on any airlines that went to Spokane that night, or even anywhere near Spokane. They were all gone and nothing was going out until the morning - that was depressing enough, but then they started unloading our luggage on the floor next to the line - they so very graciously gave it all back to us, and as the line dwindled and people picked up their bags there was still quite a spread of suitcases and car seats - and all but TWO of those items belonged to me. So there I was, standing in this ridiculous line with a one bawler, one runner, two sore shoulders, and no hands. (Which I think proves that the theory of evolution is crap, because if we all evolved from stuff like the theory claims, mothers would grow AT LEAST one extra fully functional set of arms, hands, and eyes with each birth. Possibly an extra leg or something, but I'm not too picky about the other appendages. Case closed.)

FINALLY, after my alarm goes off that says we should be in Washington (ohhhh, the irony) I get up to the ticket counter. Because we lived about 100 miles away, we got a hotel voucher for the night. We also got a $32.00 food voucher for the airport for the next day and the option to take a 10:05 flight the next morning with three stops or a 6:00 flight that wouldn't get there until nearly midnight. Remember how I spent all that money on dinner because I figured even if we were delayed for a few hours we would be fine. Yeah.... So I chose the 10:05, wanting to get the heck out of there as soon as possible even though it meant we would go from Sacramento-->San Jose---->Seattles---->Spokane. We also got bumped up to first class on the longest leg of the trip, from San Jose to Seattle. I pointed to the sea of suitcases and car seats that were nearly all mine and said, "Look at me. Look at all this. There's no way I can get it all by myself." So someone stacked all the bags on a cart thingie and helped me to the hotel shuttle. When we were on the way there, that's when I had that conversation about knowing you're with The One with a woman who couldn't have been that much older than me and was in a similar position as far as divorces, new relationships, and children go, AND she lives in Couer d'Alene, which is where Vernon and I got married.

A MILLION YEARS LATER, we were getting settled into our room at Hawthorne Suites, which is actually a really nice hotel that I pretty much detested simply by virtue of the fact that I was there. There was one saving grace, though.....Pepsi in the vending machine in a world of Coke. It only took us about half an hour to find the vending machines, which of course when the woman behind the desk pointed to the hallway, I did NOT see it right after you turned but instead led my girls through hallways, back outside, back inside on a wild goose chase for something we should have found in less than 30 seconds.

Faith had calmed down after a good half an hour of uncontrollable sobbing while we were in line at the airport. I was on the verge of bursting into tears of frustration at the very least that whole time and kept telling her to please stop crying because it wasn't going to help anything, unless maybe she wanted to direct those tears to the ticket agent. It was after 10 by the time we got to the hotel, but I was so glad they were behaving well I let them jump around on the big fluffy ("It's so fluffy I'm gonna die!!" beds for a little while and then take a bath before insisting that they really needed to get to bed because we had to get up early the next morning. I got up and showered, which was basically pointless because all I had to wear were my pajamas and what I had been wearing the day before, but I couldn't stand not having clean hair, and then got the girls up at about 6:45 and rushed them downstairs for the hotel's continental breakfast. We only had about 15 minutes to eat and then get back upstairs to get all the bags downstairs - got help with those again, thank goodness - and back in the hotel shuttle. We got there on time and a really nice couple that were on the same flight as us offered to help us get everything checked in and upstairs. THANKFULLY everything went smoothly from there, although let me tell you, it REALLY sucked to have to get off the plane in San Jose and wait for two and a half hours when the very plane we had just gotten off of was continuing onto Spokane - although first class was pretty cool. We had to wait a little longer than scheduled in Seattle because the crew that was going on our plane was coming from another plane, but we only ended up being about 10 minutes behind schedule.

There hadn't been that many people on our flight, so by the time the girls and I got down to baggage claim there was maybe one other person there. I pulled our bags off the belt while we waited for Vernon, who came in right after I got the last one off. This time and last time that I've visited, when I've had to check bags, he took me by suprise by coming in while I was getting luggage or taking care of the girls or something that had my attention so that when he walked in and was suddenly right next to me, it just took my breath away. There are few feelings I've had and moments I've experienced that were as good as that "this is my husband and I'm finally here with him" feeilng. =)

I feel like a different person now that I'm here. Or maybe not different, but like I've had so much of my bad habits and feelings filtered out of me just by being here. My husband brings out the best in me. He's exactly what I always wanted and needed and never thought I would find. A year ago I could not have imagined a life this richly blessed, this uncomplicated and happy. I've always been grateful for Faith and London, and they have always been the two brights spots and reasons to keep going, but we had a hard road ahead of us that no little girl, no person really, but especially no child should have to deal with. Now, nothing may ever be perfect since life never is, but it's sure closer than anything I've ever experienced before. I've only been here for four days and already it feels more like home than anything else in my adult life.

So here I am, only on the computer now that stuff has been cleaned - which now, would you believe, I actually LIKE doing?! - with London asleep on the couch, Vernon getting off work in a few minutes, and Faith will be home from her first day of her new school, on a big bus all by herself, in about an hour.....and I take it back. Sometimes life is perfect.

=)